ββββ ποΌ²Ξ±α―πΡπΡ ββββ
gravitas
The evolution of pizza delivery is the plainest example of our everything-to-the-top economic decline.
=Ordering a pizza in 2005=
Customer: I would like to place an order with free delivery!
Business: Thanks! One of the drivers on our payroll will arrive shortly!
Customer: Great! I will tip them at least $3, or more if anyone in our household is attracted to them or likes their jokes!
Driver: I will now buy other things with minimum wage plus tip income, and write the gas and mileage off my taxes!
=Ordering a pizza in 2025=
Customer: Why is this pizza $30?
Business: We donβt know. If you need delivery, please order through the app.
THE APP: With our fees your pizza is now $45. Would you like to tip the driver? Otherwise, we wonβt pay them.
Customer: Wait, none of this is going to the driver? What are these fees for then?
THE APP: They are for The App.
Business: We also have to pay for the privilege of being on The App. If we donβt, weβre aborted from the internet.
Driver: If you donβt tip, Iβm yeeting that pizza through your front window, because I just depreciated the value of my car for negative money.
Customer: Why did I pay $15 in fees to get my pizza yeeted?
The App: Good question. The fees are now $17. I recommend blaming a foreign war or food stamps for this.
0
4
4